Shambled Rambling!

So, I’ve been thinking for the past few days about a lot of things and all that has transpired since the beginning of this year – personally and emotionally. I’ve kind of begun to think that not everything is as great as it seems and sometimes we fall in love or like with the idea of someone or something and that somehow becomes huge in our heads. The trouble with that is that not only does it harm the tiny ray of hope that one may have in that situation, people start thinking there’s something wrong with the individual and that they may need to see a therapist. I’ve been told so on my face. Not a pleasant feeling at all.

So what does one do when faced with such self brought about conundrums and complications. My go to method used to be to totally cut off contact with such situations and people till I was indifferent enough to jump back into society and face the music. That isn’t an option now since I promote my business online and well, I really don’t want to cut off all contact with some overseas friends going through a divorce or some other personal problems. I’m happy to be a support to them and I love my friends to bits!

Step in the freaking dating apps – this time I swiped right on all the plus-sized and obese men (and I’m not talking about tinder, I’m not into hook-ups or flings for that matter), I also swiped right for all men between the ages of 40 and 50 – I can only throw my hands up and say – no matter what a guy looks like or whatever size he may be – they all want hot women!!! Figuring this out is just beyond me so you know what, I’m going to stop. Stop trying, stop understanding and just plain stop everything that may vaguely be debilitating to my self-esteem.

Talking about self-esteem – I think Blinkist is the best thing that has happened to me this year. Now I’m a voracious reader and I own books that can fill up a good-sized book store (I hate kindle so let’s not even go there) – I came across Blinkist – randomly! Guess it proves that when in dire straits – things you need the most come to you. So I’ve started to read up on building my self esteem, how to converse better, how to present myself to people better and last but not the least – how to have someone like me! That so far has been my toughest challenge.

So here I am in my stunning workplace, sipping on orange juice. Yeah got to see Cafe guy yet again – that’s where I get my freshly squeezed, tiny to-go glass of expensive orange juice. I should stock some in my refrigerator (eye roll). I don’t know. I think I’m going to look for some cool dancing classes and join one! I need a change!

That said, I just realised that this was a truly aimless post from me. We all have our not so sharp but deeply introspective days. Today was mine!

Love and Peace

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