I want….

Okay. So this post is a bit mental lol. I just feel like writing about the things I want. Like now!

For starters, I want Cafe guy gone. I used to think it would be nice to see him at the cafe everyday but it’s not. It’s awkward and so many times I want to lounge around there with my laptop or get a meal but every darn thing has to be – TO GO!

Then I want a really cool carpenter who can make my vision of an awesome display table come to life.

I want to forget about Green Eyes. They’ve haunted me enough and I want that image of his eyes and lips gone for good.

I want my website launch party to be snazzy and a huge success, and then I want lots of orders from the website as well.

I want to stop being a lazy bum and finish content writing for my site. Yeah, I was anal enough to take on that mammoth task as I hate bad English on websites. Makes my brain go into auto correct mode which can be exhausting.

I want to start dancing and lose like a crazy amount of weight. I love the S/S 18 fashion lines and I want to own them all lol.

I want my hair to grow and then I want a cool hairstyle done! Maybe a complete makeover once I’m done losing weight.

I want to meet a really nice guy!

And last but not the least, I want a fully functional, beautifully restored 1961 Bug with racing stripes and white rimmed wheels ❤

Not asking for much actually lol. Peace out!

Shambled Rambling!

So, I’ve been thinking for the past few days about a lot of things and all that has transpired since the beginning of this year – personally and emotionally. I’ve kind of begun to think that not everything is as great as it seems and sometimes we fall in love or like with the idea of someone or something and that somehow becomes huge in our heads. The trouble with that is that not only does it harm the tiny ray of hope that one may have in that situation, people start thinking there’s something wrong with the individual and that they may need to see a therapist. I’ve been told so on my face. Not a pleasant feeling at all.

So what does one do when faced with such self brought about conundrums and complications. My go to method used to be to totally cut off contact with such situations and people till I was indifferent enough to jump back into society and face the music. That isn’t an option now since I promote my business online and well, I really don’t want to cut off all contact with some overseas friends going through a divorce or some other personal problems. I’m happy to be a support to them and I love my friends to bits!

Step in the freaking dating apps – this time I swiped right on all the plus-sized and obese men (and I’m not talking about tinder, I’m not into hook-ups or flings for that matter), I also swiped right for all men between the ages of 40 and 50 – I can only throw my hands up and say – no matter what a guy looks like or whatever size he may be – they all want hot women!!! Figuring this out is just beyond me so you know what, I’m going to stop. Stop trying, stop understanding and just plain stop everything that may vaguely be debilitating to my self-esteem.

Talking about self-esteem – I think Blinkist is the best thing that has happened to me this year. Now I’m a voracious reader and I own books that can fill up a good-sized book store (I hate kindle so let’s not even go there) – I came across Blinkist – randomly! Guess it proves that when in dire straits – things you need the most come to you. So I’ve started to read up on building my self esteem, how to converse better, how to present myself to people better and last but not the least – how to have someone like me! That so far has been my toughest challenge.

So here I am in my stunning workplace, sipping on orange juice. Yeah got to see Cafe guy yet again – that’s where I get my freshly squeezed, tiny to-go glass of expensive orange juice. I should stock some in my refrigerator (eye roll). I don’t know. I think I’m going to look for some cool dancing classes and join one! I need a change!

That said, I just realised that this was a truly aimless post from me. We all have our not so sharp but deeply introspective days. Today was mine!

Love and Peace

Snarky Shark!

Okay so I’m going to dive into this one pretty quick. Men are always complaining about how profile pictures of women are oh so misleading because of makeup and picture editing apps etc.

That’s one of my grievances with men. Why do you guys have all that facial hair which makes you look so darn different from the other pictures you have on your profile? And, what is up with you guys posting pictures from like 10 years ago when age hadn’t caught up with you?

Let me not comment on the way you pose – in the car, outside the car, next to the pool, in the loo, just after a shower, on the bed (those fake bedroom eyes fool no one 🙄). Oh and did I mention the gym pictures? Yikes. Those are super scary. And if you’re looking to use photo editing apps – ask your wives or girlfriends or sisters (like we don’t know how many married men are on dating sites) to help you with the apps. The highest level of editing aka removing all lines from your face makes you look like Botox junkie lol.

Coming back to the married men – who are looking for ‘like minded friends (especially of the female kind) or to have meaningful conversations or to go for a movie/dinner/coffee/drives with’ on a freaking dating app. Come on – what do you take the world to be? Stupid? Spend that time you waste on an app with your better half and life might actually turn around for you.

For guys with man-boobs, please don’t wear spandex of any sort or a vest. Women don’t need competition in this area. Like really. All women aren’t well endowed just like all men aren’t. So……

To the rest of you, please take 5 minutes to write an interesting bio. No we don’t want to know how good you are under the covers, but we would love to know how your brains work and if you’re interesting enough for us to invest our time on you.

I apologise to the men who were hurt by this post, since my blog is about celebrating the Male kind but come on guys! You’re better than what you portray yourselves to be. At least some of you are. I mean it! And please coordinate shirts with pants, belts with shoes, socks with pants, do wear socks with all shoes other than loafers and take those stupid sunglasses off! You like looking at a woman’s eyes, well we like looking at yours.

Yeah I’m done here. You’re welcome!

Cafe Guy

What is it about dark broody men that we like so much? There’s a definite air of mystery. A bit of melancholy and a whole lot of walls around them – at least that’s what I’ve observed.

I happened to come across a broody chap. Let’s call him Cafe guy. Physically he’s very pleasing to the eye – tallish, dark, strong with a whole lot of authority. I had the chance to hear him talk (to me as well as others) and to add to that oh so mysterious persona – he has the deep voice to match. Not the kind that would give one goose bumps but the kind that’s quiet and pleasing to the ears.

To make things clear – he’s not a friend (yet) and not a love interest. He’s just this guy who piqued my interest when I saw him the first time. Actually, his lack of socks with his shoes and his folded pants piqued my interest till I looked up at his face and thought hmm – someone looks pissed off! Lol

As a couple of weeks passed, I had fleeting chances to look at him around the cafe. Mind you, I would only go there for my coffee and cake slice (which I shouldn’t be having but that makes for another post). I found he liked to be alone when he could, never heard him talk in a loud voice, always swift with his management and ever so courteous! And definitely broody lol.

Spoke to him a few times too. I wasn’t disappointed. He does have a lot of walls around him like I mentioned before. Seems like the kind of guy who would care deeply and protect his loved ones fiercely. He also has that musician vibe to him you know. Either plays an instrument, sings or maybe just loves great music – I don’t know.

It’s kind of funny how I’m typing this on my phone and drumming my fingers on my cheek trying to think about all that I felt and saw. Now I may be totally wrong, but something tells me I’m not. Not with this guy. I would love to see him without his beard and moustache though (not that he can’t pull it off) – a trend that is slowly getting very tired and makes us women wish we could look at men without all that facial hair. But if you’re reading this Cafe guy – a stubble would be very you!

He’s got deep, dark, expressive eyes. They look straight at you! Like bam! Dang he’s looking! Duck lol. I’m just kidding. They smile when he does, pierce when he’s upset and are focused when he’s busy. So now that we’re on the physical attributes, let me say he has nice hands and forearms. Tastefully tattooed (love that as most men just go for the ugly butch tattoos or get their names on their arms as if they’re suffering from amnesia – eye roll x 2). That said, I’m not really a creep to be checking out other assets lol!

I wish I could reveal his identity so that more girls could visit the cafe and have a good look at him. That way the younger ones would be able to say that they finally got to see a man!

 

 

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So this brings me to my second post of the Mr. Green Eyes series. I’m sure the ones who read the first one would be wondering who Mr. Green Eyes was and what exactly happened with him?

Well, as the not so subtle visual states – I got rejected! A term I don’t like to use because it’s really final, but I’m going to here as nothing better could describe my feeling. He rejected me on February 11th, 2018 so yes, I’m a little late in updating you guys lol.

How am I feeling? Well, at first, my blood ran cold and I just wanted to cuddle with my dog and sleep. I was shivering, but I picked myself up, went in for a scalding hot bath and dragged my arse to work – The happiest place on the planet – My work space!

A few people were over for meetings, so things were better than expected. Mr. Green Eyes texted me in the evening, but I asked him not to so that I could keep my promise to myself that I would move on as soon as I got my answers.

Some of my friends feel I aim too high. They think good-looking or handsome men aren’t for me as I suffer from weight issues. I too sometimes feel that I should have a good look in the mirror, see myself physically before I approach any guys because frankly, that’s the way the world sees me. Having a good personality or an empathetic nature are things of the past it seems. Anyhow, I know I’ll be hot again once I shed off the kilos, but till then I’ll take a break, keep a low profile and concentrate on taking my work and my company where they deserve to be.

Besides that, I’m not sad. Just disappointed. The tightness in my chest is gone and so is the constant anxiety I had when Green Eyes was around.

I guess every dog has his day and this bitch will have hers soon lol! As my rescue doggy taught me – Never Say Die (she came back from death twice) and Never Lose Hope! Two lessons I take very seriously.

So I will stay hopeful, happy and positive – another promise I made to myself. Can’t help but say – Optimistic much!?! I guess so lol

 

Mr. Green Eyes

There are times in life when one wants to write something aimless. I’m not sure if this is aimless, but I’ll try to keep it simple and honest.

I want to talk about the biggest woe in my life currently – the fact that I’ve been single for 8 years. To some of you it may seem weird or downright unhealthy, for me it was a way to observe, grow and figure out what I wanted in life and to be able to be settled and confident enough to enter the daunting world of dating.

I thought I’d start 2018 on a note different from all other years – a year where I’d go for what I wanted – be it a thing, a job or a man! Why sit around waiting for a guy to approach me. Heck! I’ll approach him. I even joined a dating app, met some nice men on there and then, not so nice ones, but that’s a part of life. Good and bad, ugly and beautiful, light and dark – all goes hand in hand.

If I were to get into specifics then I came across some incredible men I really liked. Now before anyone says you can’t judge a person without knowing them, then I agree but I’m slightly more organic in my approach. I understand and work on vibes, on observations (especially people I see everyday) – like this absolutely amazing guy I had a crush on since October of last year, who happens to manage the cafe right next door. I asked him out to coffee, he couldn’t, he’s committed but I can’t say I didn’t try. I can only imagine on the surface though, how lucky his girl is.

Couple of other guys here and there but nothing concrete till I came across Mr. Green Eyes. Yes that’s what I’m going to call him from now on for all events and purposes lol!

My eyes just teared up thinking about him, but in a good way (I can be an emotional fool sometimes). I understand various human feelings like attraction, lust, infatuation etc., but I don’t understand what it is I feel about him or feel for him. He seems just right you know! Like close to being perfect. I’m going all out for this guy but so far, it’s been a rough road where I’ve only managed to stumble and fall in his eyes. Those amazing Green eyes!

My gut feeling has never been wrong and it’s been telling me not to let go. That he may be the one. Is that too much pressure on a guy – Hell yeah! I think so, but I can’t seem to understand what he wants or needs for me to tweak my approach or interactions with him.

The strange thing is that I’m a very private person when it comes to matters of the heart, but here I am baring my innermost thoughts and my soul for this one guy.

I think it’s come to a point where perhaps this guy – Good ‘ol Green eyes and all my friends think I’m desperate. But! My reasoning is – if we can go after the jobs we want, the pet we want, even the dessert we want with our whole heart, then what’s wrong with me going after and making efforts for this guy. I’m not desperate, I’m just waiting on answers and the second I get them – positive or negative, I’ll carry on with my life – with or without him.

Well, here I am sitting on my cool couch in a gorgeous store wearing a short dress and silver boots with stockings (don’t judge me on this, I am a lover of fashion lol) holding onto a fountain pen (yes this was originally written by hand) and putting down my thoughts on this paper.

I’ve also realised that I am my own best friend and my own worst enemy. The days of hurting myself internally are long gone. I only live for today and if I’m alive then look forward to seeing tomorrow.

What am I looking for would perhaps be my next question and answer – I’m looking to share my wonderful life, my happy times, my achievements with a nice partner. A solid rock of a man who takes everything in his stride just like I do, but if he were to falter then he can be sure of my presence and stability to see him through. Does a man like that exist?

I happen to think so. I’ll be sitting here I guess, waiting and watching with my fingers crossed and with an open heart – ready to receive!