The end of the beginning of the end of Me!

(This post was written a month ago but I’m publishing it now)

It’s been a while since I’ve written physically although a lot of writing was going on in my head. You see my brain never rests, still I don’t lose weight lol. Anyhow I can’t say the last few months have been good because they’ve been the exact opposite. Yes a couple of good or beneficial things did happen but beyond that – nada!

There’s a lot I want to say but don’t know where to start, so let me just say that waiting for the end is getting tiring. You see, even when I hit rock bottom, I’m not one to hurt myself – physically. Mentally and emotionally are two very different parts of me – which frankly, have never recovered from the hurt.

Recently an another episode took place. A cab driver abused me verbally but his language (by law) constitutes sexual abuse. It’s not the abusive language that hit me – it was the way the fellow spoke to me. I’m a polite, bubbly person usually. Love wearing happy clothing and experimenting with makeup. I never fail to say thank you or please.

The unfortunate part is that I live in a city and society consisting of men who have such perverse preconceived notions about women who are tattooed, with funky hair etc., that I sometimes feel my end would be better than trying to live the life I’m currently living. Safety for women is non-existent. Eve-teasing and groping in a crowd are normal everyday actions we have to live with. Besides that, single women in their 30s are looked at like they are free for all since they aren’t married.

What to do? I’m running out of options. I’m constantly stressed in public, my panic attacks are getting worse and I’m ready to strangle any male who comes within 2 feet of me.

Is this a way to live? Not in the world I imagined. I was a girl with big dreams. Wanted to do so much. Now I go to work – if I can make it out of the house, hope that I make at least some money (the last 3 months have been awful) and hope come back home in one piece with a little peace of mind.

All I want is a quiet life – where silence prevails and peace is abundant!

Updated: 45 days on the police have not taken any action against the cab driver. I’m still well and kicking with new energy, as I prepare for new beginnings in my business and I promise, I’m not going to kill myself lol. I don’t have much to live for but I do have my dogs to look after. They are my responsibility and I’m not one to shirk the same.

Peace out people! Love and light to you ❤

Black hole!

So it turns out that even though I’m posting after a long time, and that the time I’ve spent in the past few days has been the best of my life. I saw Sunshine after almost 9 years (which makes for another blog post).

The reason why I’m writing with so much urgency this very early morning is because today might be the start of a really awful day for me. I suspected something and decided to ask one of the people whom I thought would be responsible for it only to feel like shit once again. Yeah I know no one can make you feel anything unless you are that or perceive yourself to be that, but there are times some people just trigger the worst in you. No matter what happens, they are just downright horrible with egos as big as the sun and darker than the deepest black holes!

I still feel bad when I say something mean to the person in question. I really don’t think it’s worth it. I don’t think he even deserves the E of my empathy, the U of my understanding or the N of me ever being nice to him.

That said, I’m going to sign off till I feel better and want to write something more positive.

Peace and love to you all and may you never come across a person like the fellow mentioned above.

 

 

Snarky Shark!

Okay so I’m going to dive into this one pretty quick. Men are always complaining about how profile pictures of women are oh so misleading because of makeup and picture editing apps etc.

That’s one of my grievances with men. Why do you guys have all that facial hair which makes you look so darn different from the other pictures you have on your profile? And, what is up with you guys posting pictures from like 10 years ago when age hadn’t caught up with you?

Let me not comment on the way you pose – in the car, outside the car, next to the pool, in the loo, just after a shower, on the bed (those fake bedroom eyes fool no one 🙄). Oh and did I mention the gym pictures? Yikes. Those are super scary. And if you’re looking to use photo editing apps – ask your wives or girlfriends or sisters (like we don’t know how many married men are on dating sites) to help you with the apps. The highest level of editing aka removing all lines from your face makes you look like Botox junkie lol.

Coming back to the married men – who are looking for ‘like minded friends (especially of the female kind) or to have meaningful conversations or to go for a movie/dinner/coffee/drives with’ on a freaking dating app. Come on – what do you take the world to be? Stupid? Spend that time you waste on an app with your better half and life might actually turn around for you.

For guys with man-boobs, please don’t wear spandex of any sort or a vest. Women don’t need competition in this area. Like really. All women aren’t well endowed just like all men aren’t. So……

To the rest of you, please take 5 minutes to write an interesting bio. No we don’t want to know how good you are under the covers, but we would love to know how your brains work and if you’re interesting enough for us to invest our time on you.

I apologise to the men who were hurt by this post, since my blog is about celebrating the Male kind but come on guys! You’re better than what you portray yourselves to be. At least some of you are. I mean it! And please coordinate shirts with pants, belts with shoes, socks with pants, do wear socks with all shoes other than loafers and take those stupid sunglasses off! You like looking at a woman’s eyes, well we like looking at yours.

Yeah I’m done here. You’re welcome!

Cafe Guy

What is it about dark broody men that we like so much? There’s a definite air of mystery. A bit of melancholy and a whole lot of walls around them – at least that’s what I’ve observed.

I happened to come across a broody chap. Let’s call him Cafe guy. Physically he’s very pleasing to the eye – tallish, dark, strong with a whole lot of authority. I had the chance to hear him talk (to me as well as others) and to add to that oh so mysterious persona – he has the deep voice to match. Not the kind that would give one goose bumps but the kind that’s quiet and pleasing to the ears.

To make things clear – he’s not a friend (yet) and not a love interest. He’s just this guy who piqued my interest when I saw him the first time. Actually, his lack of socks with his shoes and his folded pants piqued my interest till I looked up at his face and thought hmm – someone looks pissed off! Lol

As a couple of weeks passed, I had fleeting chances to look at him around the cafe. Mind you, I would only go there for my coffee and cake slice (which I shouldn’t be having but that makes for another post). I found he liked to be alone when he could, never heard him talk in a loud voice, always swift with his management and ever so courteous! And definitely broody lol.

Spoke to him a few times too. I wasn’t disappointed. He does have a lot of walls around him like I mentioned before. Seems like the kind of guy who would care deeply and protect his loved ones fiercely. He also has that musician vibe to him you know. Either plays an instrument, sings or maybe just loves great music – I don’t know.

It’s kind of funny how I’m typing this on my phone and drumming my fingers on my cheek trying to think about all that I felt and saw. Now I may be totally wrong, but something tells me I’m not. Not with this guy. I would love to see him without his beard and moustache though (not that he can’t pull it off) – a trend that is slowly getting very tired and makes us women wish we could look at men without all that facial hair. But if you’re reading this Cafe guy – a stubble would be very you!

He’s got deep, dark, expressive eyes. They look straight at you! Like bam! Dang he’s looking! Duck lol. I’m just kidding. They smile when he does, pierce when he’s upset and are focused when he’s busy. So now that we’re on the physical attributes, let me say he has nice hands and forearms. Tastefully tattooed (love that as most men just go for the ugly butch tattoos or get their names on their arms as if they’re suffering from amnesia – eye roll x 2). That said, I’m not really a creep to be checking out other assets lol!

I wish I could reveal his identity so that more girls could visit the cafe and have a good look at him. That way the younger ones would be able to say that they finally got to see a man!