Fat? Yes? Read on!

If you’re a plus sized woman and you’re looking to find a partner, but haven’t had any luck at all – here’s what you need to know. From one fat girl to another – and no I don’t endorse the word fat but still wanted to use it as it hits harder than the politically correct ‘plus-sized’

Welcome to my world!

Dating 101 for Fat girls in my country:

Lesson 1 – Don’t think a guy is nice until he’s actually nice to you for a while

Lesson 2 – Work on being skinny or thin cause your personality doesn’t count for anything

Lesson 3 – Looks aren’t important. Only a tight bum and well-formed boobs (a guy’s language not mine) make all the difference

Lesson 4 – Don’t ever tell a guy you like him till he tells you the same a few times first

Lesson 5 – Please don’t waste time perfecting your speech or going to finishing school. Men don’t care as long as you can wear a short dress and look hot

Lesson 6 – I know the above to have exceptions but most fat girls aren’t exceptions so don’t wait to be one

Lesson 7 – If a guy you like asks you about your hot, single friends, dump him right there. The end to this is never pleasant

More to come as I figure things out, hopefully without experiencing them first hand lol.

Peace and Love ❤

I want….

Okay. So this post is a bit mental lol. I just feel like writing about the things I want. Like now!

For starters, I want Cafe guy gone. I used to think it would be nice to see him at the cafe everyday but it’s not. It’s awkward and so many times I want to lounge around there with my laptop or get a meal but every darn thing has to be – TO GO!

Then I want a really cool carpenter who can make my vision of an awesome display table come to life.

I want to forget about Green Eyes. They’ve haunted me enough and I want that image of his eyes and lips gone for good.

I want my website launch party to be snazzy and a huge success, and then I want lots of orders from the website as well.

I want to stop being a lazy bum and finish content writing for my site. Yeah, I was anal enough to take on that mammoth task as I hate bad English on websites. Makes my brain go into auto correct mode which can be exhausting.

I want to start dancing and lose like a crazy amount of weight. I love the S/S 18 fashion lines and I want to own them all lol.

I want my hair to grow and then I want a cool hairstyle done! Maybe a complete makeover once I’m done losing weight.

I want to meet a really nice guy!

And last but not the least, I want a fully functional, beautifully restored 1961 Bug with racing stripes and white rimmed wheels ❤

Not asking for much actually lol. Peace out!

Shambled Rambling!

So, I’ve been thinking for the past few days about a lot of things and all that has transpired since the beginning of this year – personally and emotionally. I’ve kind of begun to think that not everything is as great as it seems and sometimes we fall in love or like with the idea of someone or something and that somehow becomes huge in our heads. The trouble with that is that not only does it harm the tiny ray of hope that one may have in that situation, people start thinking there’s something wrong with the individual and that they may need to see a therapist. I’ve been told so on my face. Not a pleasant feeling at all.

So what does one do when faced with such self brought about conundrums and complications. My go to method used to be to totally cut off contact with such situations and people till I was indifferent enough to jump back into society and face the music. That isn’t an option now since I promote my business online and well, I really don’t want to cut off all contact with some overseas friends going through a divorce or some other personal problems. I’m happy to be a support to them and I love my friends to bits!

Step in the freaking dating apps – this time I swiped right on all the plus-sized and obese men (and I’m not talking about tinder, I’m not into hook-ups or flings for that matter), I also swiped right for all men between the ages of 40 and 50 – I can only throw my hands up and say – no matter what a guy looks like or whatever size he may be – they all want hot women!!! Figuring this out is just beyond me so you know what, I’m going to stop. Stop trying, stop understanding and just plain stop everything that may vaguely be debilitating to my self-esteem.

Talking about self-esteem – I think Blinkist is the best thing that has happened to me this year. Now I’m a voracious reader and I own books that can fill up a good-sized book store (I hate kindle so let’s not even go there) – I came across Blinkist – randomly! Guess it proves that when in dire straits – things you need the most come to you. So I’ve started to read up on building my self esteem, how to converse better, how to present myself to people better and last but not the least – how to have someone like me! That so far has been my toughest challenge.

So here I am in my stunning workplace, sipping on orange juice. Yeah got to see Cafe guy yet again – that’s where I get my freshly squeezed, tiny to-go glass of expensive orange juice. I should stock some in my refrigerator (eye roll). I don’t know. I think I’m going to look for some cool dancing classes and join one! I need a change!

That said, I just realised that this was a truly aimless post from me. We all have our not so sharp but deeply introspective days. Today was mine!

Love and Peace

Snarky Shark!

Okay so I’m going to dive into this one pretty quick. Men are always complaining about how profile pictures of women are oh so misleading because of makeup and picture editing apps etc.

That’s one of my grievances with men. Why do you guys have all that facial hair which makes you look so darn different from the other pictures you have on your profile? And, what is up with you guys posting pictures from like 10 years ago when age hadn’t caught up with you?

Let me not comment on the way you pose – in the car, outside the car, next to the pool, in the loo, just after a shower, on the bed (those fake bedroom eyes fool no one 🙄). Oh and did I mention the gym pictures? Yikes. Those are super scary. And if you’re looking to use photo editing apps – ask your wives or girlfriends or sisters (like we don’t know how many married men are on dating sites) to help you with the apps. The highest level of editing aka removing all lines from your face makes you look like Botox junkie lol.

Coming back to the married men – who are looking for ‘like minded friends (especially of the female kind) or to have meaningful conversations or to go for a movie/dinner/coffee/drives with’ on a freaking dating app. Come on – what do you take the world to be? Stupid? Spend that time you waste on an app with your better half and life might actually turn around for you.

For guys with man-boobs, please don’t wear spandex of any sort or a vest. Women don’t need competition in this area. Like really. All women aren’t well endowed just like all men aren’t. So……

To the rest of you, please take 5 minutes to write an interesting bio. No we don’t want to know how good you are under the covers, but we would love to know how your brains work and if you’re interesting enough for us to invest our time on you.

I apologise to the men who were hurt by this post, since my blog is about celebrating the Male kind but come on guys! You’re better than what you portray yourselves to be. At least some of you are. I mean it! And please coordinate shirts with pants, belts with shoes, socks with pants, do wear socks with all shoes other than loafers and take those stupid sunglasses off! You like looking at a woman’s eyes, well we like looking at yours.

Yeah I’m done here. You’re welcome!

Goodbye <3

So this is part 3 of the Mr. Green Eyes series. The final goodbye.

It kind of dawned on me a couple of days back (after an argument with Green Eyes and I trying to move on) that sometimes things just aren’t meant to be and the best way to let them go is by bowing down, and bidding a self respecting farewell.

There really is no point in stretching something when you know the person you like so much doesn’t have the same feelings for you and won’t either. I’m not being pessimistic here. A two time rejection is enough for one to know that things have run their course and the situation at hand should be left as is.

Funny thing is he still hasn’t deleted me. That was a tiny little knot I was holding on to, but that too unraveled with the argument, so here I am…again…writing about Mr. Green Eyes.

I’ll miss him. I am sad, but I’ll be fine. This too shall pass and this too is a part of life so I’m just going to live through it 😊

If you’re reading this Green Eyes, and if you feel the need to see me ever in life – you know where I am!

The Rajput

So what is it about some people that makes you want to go that extra mile or spend time and energy on them? We all know time is the most precious thing for anything with an expiry date – including ourselves, so this post is about The Rajput and my time!

I came across The Rajput on a dating app (not tinder – I have never been on tinder for the record lol). He seemed like a decent guy with normal pictures. Not the usual – posing in the gym where one can clearly see fabs instead of abs and the non-existent biceps. Oh and not to forget the posing next to a fancy car picture – usually with tacky sunglasses on. For those who haven’t been on a dating app and want to join one – swipe left to the men who post the above pictures. You’ll thank me later for that info lol

So he and I struck off well. A happy time indeed. He was quite a gorgeous specimen of the Male kind. Nice voice, deep eyes, tall – stood out like a warm blooded stallion in a room full of ponies!

Things were going well. Conversations flowed for a month or so. I really liked him. He had a stable job, didn’t come from too much money (which I like in a man), good education, well-mannered and clean lol. Yes I like clean men! Older than I for once, so the overall picture looked peachy. Until I decided to not be myself and told him I liked him. And…I…was…rejected. He wanted someone physically appealing and I happened to be a fat, but not an unfortunate looking girl – so…

Anyhow to each his own. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to be with someone hot or a girl who is physically fit. The problem arose when he and I stopped talking, and a year later, I found him on a social networking site and sent him a request.

Turns out he was living and working in a neighbouring country and doing quite well for himself. He accepted. I sent him a message – you know the works with my phone number. Much to my shock – he called! Said he was flying down and would be all mine for a day after he landed. So me being me – planned out a nice day. A day he would’ve enjoyed immensely if only he hadn’t stood me up lol. No surprise there I guess. It did seem too good to be true, you know.

So to cut a long story short – there was a message and an unfriending and finally this post. Good riddance or not, the fault lies with me I feel. I give away my time freely and keep giving people chances to prove me wrong over again, but that never happens. The warm blooded stallion reduced to a pony – what a waste! If only he knew the real meaning of receiving such a compliment. I thought he’d understand considering the little education I received about horses was from him!

So The Rajput – here I am spending another 20 minutes of my time, writing about you. Do you deserve this time – probably not, but like I said in the beginning, there are people whom we want to go an extra mile for – reasons unknown of course 😏. Someday you and I both, might get/understand our own parts! Until then – onto the next one…

Panda

Over a period of time, I’ve realised that one needs a few people around who aren’t exactly friends and aren’t exactly romantic interests either (not that they can’t be, but things are just well in the grey areas unlike the black and white areas they like to be in). They are the ones who make an impact strong enough that their presence is all one needs.

So the guy I’m writing about is like a panda – warm, fuzzy, black and white, without the fur and the fat that is lol.

I was introduced to him over the phone by a common friend. A few conversations later it was established that guys like him are rare. Not only does he know how to make a girl feel comfortable in her own skin (not that I’ve met him but one just knows), he envelopes you in a warm embrace just by his oh so soothing voice. I’ve never come across a man with a voice like that.

He does have some growing up to do, but don’t we all in some way or the other. So the usual conundrum is what to do when one comes across people like Panda? As much as I would love to give things a shot with him and to get to know him better (romantically or otherwise), I truly feel guys like that come one in a dozen and no matter how strong the attraction or the need to want someone like that, one should consider the fact that they make awesome friends.

It’s more important to have such a guy be a part of my life than to give in to the different feelings I feel (starting from feeling safe to wanting conversations almost all the time).

So that said – Panda boy – you’re awesome! Stay that way and go a little easy on yourself. You know who you are so call me – maybe 😉

The Girl In Silver Boots

So, the girl in silver boots – Who is she really?

Well that’s a question that I’ve pondered over a period and through the various phases of my life. I’ll try and answer it from a third person’s perspective. Easier that way!

For one, she’s tough! Not a girly girl and not a tom-boy! She’s soft-hearted but doesn’t melt easily and especially not over a fake show of emotions. She’s solid but hasn’t lost her ability to empathise. She’s very emotional, yet she tries to see through them. Tries hard not to let her emotions blind her in situations that need clarity and rational thinking. I could go on and on about her contradictions, end of the day – she’s just a girl trying to live her life in a not-so-easy world.

I don’t mean for things to sound dramatic or clichéd. I hate clichés! It’s me trying to figure myself out while I’m writing this at 9.30pm at my work place on a balmy night. There’s still much to learn and much to recognise about my abilities, qualities, strengths and weaknesses. Each day is a new learning experience. I surprise myself by a sound show of strength and shock myself by a horrifying display of anger – both during the length of the same day. Huh! Crazy right? Just to clarify before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I may be a borderline personality, or any other kind of personality written about in psychology books – I’m not or so I believe lol!

Much has been said and thought about me by people from near and far (I don’t mean distance here). That’s something which makes me very uncomfortable and sometimes extremely awkward in social settings. One of the reasons why I love my aloneness and my own company. Oh! I can be very annoying company for myself too. The constant obsessing over something or the other, the need for perfection even though I’m the farthest from being even close to perfect (I don’t think perfection exists though – just like heaven and hell – it’s just a qualitative word if I should say so).

That said, I do think a lot. Like I think so much and so deeply sometimes that it seems I’ve dug holes in my brain. The benefits of that is – things seep in faster but leave me with less brain space to utilise, hence ever so often, I distance myself from everything and just try to be – in the moment – no matter where I am. I am a work in progress, moving slowly, sometimes with a lot of confidence and sometimes with uncertainty.

I’m sure you all must be thinking – she can’t be all good. You’re right! I’m not. I can be a shark who bites peoples’ heads off, I can sink into a deep, dark well for months, I can lose my cool within seconds and my words can cut through a person like a razor-sharp knife. I’m sure I’ve burnt some people and made others bleed – but I am also the first one to apologise and make amends if possible. Certain situations trigger the worst in me, while some bring out the very best. I’m working on my problem areas.

Coming back to the third person perspective, the girl in silver boots is savvy, interesting, full of sarcasm and witty. She loves to work hard or hardly work depending purely on her mood, loves animals, music (she sings), her mother, men (lol) – not necessarily in that order. She lives for today, loves her profession and owns over 200 pairs of shoes – yeah! Go figure. She’s bright and happy. Stubborn to the bone, but sees reason, is an absolute fool in love or even when she likes a guy – no wonder she’s been rejected 4 times already this year (24 turned out to be a douche bag so it wasn’t her fault at all, Mr Bhutan took her for a ride with a false promise, Café Guy is committed and doesn’t quite like her, and finally she totally effed things up with Mr Green Eyes – her favourite man by far).

Suffering from low self-esteem and weight issues, people haven’t been too kind to her, but it’s cool – to each his own! She was born to make a mark and a mark she shall make – time is of essence here, but she’s not going anywhere.

There is so much more to come. So until next time folks! Take care, keep smiling and keep reading ❤

Cafe Guy

What is it about dark broody men that we like so much? There’s a definite air of mystery. A bit of melancholy and a whole lot of walls around them – at least that’s what I’ve observed.

I happened to come across a broody chap. Let’s call him Cafe guy. Physically he’s very pleasing to the eye – tallish, dark, strong with a whole lot of authority. I had the chance to hear him talk (to me as well as others) and to add to that oh so mysterious persona – he has the deep voice to match. Not the kind that would give one goose bumps but the kind that’s quiet and pleasing to the ears.

To make things clear – he’s not a friend (yet) and not a love interest. He’s just this guy who piqued my interest when I saw him the first time. Actually, his lack of socks with his shoes and his folded pants piqued my interest till I looked up at his face and thought hmm – someone looks pissed off! Lol

As a couple of weeks passed, I had fleeting chances to look at him around the cafe. Mind you, I would only go there for my coffee and cake slice (which I shouldn’t be having but that makes for another post). I found he liked to be alone when he could, never heard him talk in a loud voice, always swift with his management and ever so courteous! And definitely broody lol.

Spoke to him a few times too. I wasn’t disappointed. He does have a lot of walls around him like I mentioned before. Seems like the kind of guy who would care deeply and protect his loved ones fiercely. He also has that musician vibe to him you know. Either plays an instrument, sings or maybe just loves great music – I don’t know.

It’s kind of funny how I’m typing this on my phone and drumming my fingers on my cheek trying to think about all that I felt and saw. Now I may be totally wrong, but something tells me I’m not. Not with this guy. I would love to see him without his beard and moustache though (not that he can’t pull it off) – a trend that is slowly getting very tired and makes us women wish we could look at men without all that facial hair. But if you’re reading this Cafe guy – a stubble would be very you!

He’s got deep, dark, expressive eyes. They look straight at you! Like bam! Dang he’s looking! Duck lol. I’m just kidding. They smile when he does, pierce when he’s upset and are focused when he’s busy. So now that we’re on the physical attributes, let me say he has nice hands and forearms. Tastefully tattooed (love that as most men just go for the ugly butch tattoos or get their names on their arms as if they’re suffering from amnesia – eye roll x 2). That said, I’m not really a creep to be checking out other assets lol!

I wish I could reveal his identity so that more girls could visit the cafe and have a good look at him. That way the younger ones would be able to say that they finally got to see a man!

 

 

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So this brings me to my second post of the Mr. Green Eyes series. I’m sure the ones who read the first one would be wondering who Mr. Green Eyes was and what exactly happened with him?

Well, as the not so subtle visual states – I got rejected! A term I don’t like to use because it’s really final, but I’m going to here as nothing better could describe my feeling. He rejected me on February 11th, 2018 so yes, I’m a little late in updating you guys lol.

How am I feeling? Well, at first, my blood ran cold and I just wanted to cuddle with my dog and sleep. I was shivering, but I picked myself up, went in for a scalding hot bath and dragged my arse to work – The happiest place on the planet – My work space!

A few people were over for meetings, so things were better than expected. Mr. Green Eyes texted me in the evening, but I asked him not to so that I could keep my promise to myself that I would move on as soon as I got my answers.

Some of my friends feel I aim too high. They think good-looking or handsome men aren’t for me as I suffer from weight issues. I too sometimes feel that I should have a good look in the mirror, see myself physically before I approach any guys because frankly, that’s the way the world sees me. Having a good personality or an empathetic nature are things of the past it seems. Anyhow, I know I’ll be hot again once I shed off the kilos, but till then I’ll take a break, keep a low profile and concentrate on taking my work and my company where they deserve to be.

Besides that, I’m not sad. Just disappointed. The tightness in my chest is gone and so is the constant anxiety I had when Green Eyes was around.

I guess every dog has his day and this bitch will have hers soon lol! As my rescue doggy taught me – Never Say Die (she came back from death twice) and Never Lose Hope! Two lessons I take very seriously.

So I will stay hopeful, happy and positive – another promise I made to myself. Can’t help but say – Optimistic much!?! I guess so lol