The end of the beginning of the end of Me!

(This post was written a month ago but I’m publishing it now)

It’s been a while since I’ve written physically although a lot of writing was going on in my head. You see my brain never rests, still I don’t lose weight lol. Anyhow I can’t say the last few months have been good because they’ve been the exact opposite. Yes a couple of good or beneficial things did happen but beyond that – nada!

There’s a lot I want to say but don’t know where to start, so let me just say that waiting for the end is getting tiring. You see, even when I hit rock bottom, I’m not one to hurt myself – physically. Mentally and emotionally are two very different parts of me – which frankly, have never recovered from the hurt.

Recently an another episode took place. A cab driver abused me verbally but his language (by law) constitutes sexual abuse. It’s not the abusive language that hit me – it was the way the fellow spoke to me. I’m a polite, bubbly person usually. Love wearing happy clothing and experimenting with makeup. I never fail to say thank you or please.

The unfortunate part is that I live in a city and society consisting of men who have such perverse preconceived notions about women who are tattooed, with funky hair etc., that I sometimes feel my end would be better than trying to live the life I’m currently living. Safety for women is non-existent. Eve-teasing and groping in a crowd are normal everyday actions we have to live with. Besides that, single women in their 30s are looked at like they are free for all since they aren’t married.

What to do? I’m running out of options. I’m constantly stressed in public, my panic attacks are getting worse and I’m ready to strangle any male who comes within 2 feet of me.

Is this a way to live? Not in the world I imagined. I was a girl with big dreams. Wanted to do so much. Now I go to work – if I can make it out of the house, hope that I make at least some money (the last 3 months have been awful) and hope come back home in one piece with a little peace of mind.

All I want is a quiet life – where silence prevails and peace is abundant!

Updated: 45 days on the police have not taken any action against the cab driver. I’m still well and kicking with new energy, as I prepare for new beginnings in my business and I promise, I’m not going to kill myself lol. I don’t have much to live for but I do have my dogs to look after. They are my responsibility and I’m not one to shirk the same.

Peace out people! Love and light to you ❤
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A long way to ME TOO!

I’m going to dive into this quick. The geographical region I belong to isn’t really ready for the #metoo movement. Yes, celebrities are being called out – some correctly and some being weighed down under a web of lies twisted by some female attention seekers. Are the stories true is the big question!

From a personal level. all I can say is that no one cares. I posted my story – four people I know read it! Three of my countrymen/women – well they stopped talking to me, especially the crush in question. The family member was only interested to know who all could read my story and what it would do to the family’s image. The only supportive reply I received was from my internet mom for all events and purposes living in Birmingham. A wonderful English lady with a heart of gold. I’m not saying that because she was supportive of what I’d written, I’m saying it because she really is an amazing person!

It sure is fashionable to be in step with the times, but do most people know what abuse is about?!?! Well for starters, it’s not a joke. It’s not a game. And! It certainly isn’t an attention seekers place to be!

That said, my post which is now only etched in my brain and deleted for the world – will never see the light of day. I might write about it again when I see a shift in mindsets. Till then, it’s just me and I’m alone!

Love and peace!

Black hole!

So it turns out that even though I’m posting after a long time, and that the time I’ve spent in the past few days has been the best of my life. I saw Sunshine after almost 9 years (which makes for another blog post).

The reason why I’m writing with so much urgency this very early morning is because today might be the start of a really awful day for me. I suspected something and decided to ask one of the people whom I thought would be responsible for it only to feel like shit once again. Yeah I know no one can make you feel anything unless you are that or perceive yourself to be that, but there are times some people just trigger the worst in you. No matter what happens, they are just downright horrible with egos as big as the sun and darker than the deepest black holes!

I still feel bad when I say something mean to the person in question. I really don’t think it’s worth it. I don’t think he even deserves the E of my empathy, the U of my understanding or the N of me ever being nice to him.

That said, I’m going to sign off till I feel better and want to write something more positive.

Peace and love to you all and may you never come across a person like the fellow mentioned above.

 

 

I want….

Okay. So this post is a bit mental lol. I just feel like writing about the things I want. Like now!

For starters, I want Cafe guy gone. I used to think it would be nice to see him at the cafe everyday but it’s not. It’s awkward and so many times I want to lounge around there with my laptop or get a meal but every darn thing has to be – TO GO!

Then I want a really cool carpenter who can make my vision of an awesome display table come to life.

I want to forget about Green Eyes. They’ve haunted me enough and I want that image of his eyes and lips gone for good.

I want my website launch party to be snazzy and a huge success, and then I want lots of orders from the website as well.

I want to stop being a lazy bum and finish content writing for my site. Yeah, I was anal enough to take on that mammoth task as I hate bad English on websites. Makes my brain go into auto correct mode which can be exhausting.

I want to start dancing and lose like a crazy amount of weight. I love the S/S 18 fashion lines and I want to own them all lol.

I want my hair to grow and then I want a cool hairstyle done! Maybe a complete makeover once I’m done losing weight.

I want to meet a really nice guy!

And last but not the least, I want a fully functional, beautifully restored 1961 Bug with racing stripes and white rimmed wheels ❤

Not asking for much actually lol. Peace out!

Snarky Shark!

Okay so I’m going to dive into this one pretty quick. Men are always complaining about how profile pictures of women are oh so misleading because of makeup and picture editing apps etc.

That’s one of my grievances with men. Why do you guys have all that facial hair which makes you look so darn different from the other pictures you have on your profile? And, what is up with you guys posting pictures from like 10 years ago when age hadn’t caught up with you?

Let me not comment on the way you pose – in the car, outside the car, next to the pool, in the loo, just after a shower, on the bed (those fake bedroom eyes fool no one 🙄). Oh and did I mention the gym pictures? Yikes. Those are super scary. And if you’re looking to use photo editing apps – ask your wives or girlfriends or sisters (like we don’t know how many married men are on dating sites) to help you with the apps. The highest level of editing aka removing all lines from your face makes you look like Botox junkie lol.

Coming back to the married men – who are looking for ‘like minded friends (especially of the female kind) or to have meaningful conversations or to go for a movie/dinner/coffee/drives with’ on a freaking dating app. Come on – what do you take the world to be? Stupid? Spend that time you waste on an app with your better half and life might actually turn around for you.

For guys with man-boobs, please don’t wear spandex of any sort or a vest. Women don’t need competition in this area. Like really. All women aren’t well endowed just like all men aren’t. So……

To the rest of you, please take 5 minutes to write an interesting bio. No we don’t want to know how good you are under the covers, but we would love to know how your brains work and if you’re interesting enough for us to invest our time on you.

I apologise to the men who were hurt by this post, since my blog is about celebrating the Male kind but come on guys! You’re better than what you portray yourselves to be. At least some of you are. I mean it! And please coordinate shirts with pants, belts with shoes, socks with pants, do wear socks with all shoes other than loafers and take those stupid sunglasses off! You like looking at a woman’s eyes, well we like looking at yours.

Yeah I’m done here. You’re welcome!

Goodbye <3

So this is part 3 of the Mr. Green Eyes series. The final goodbye.

It kind of dawned on me a couple of days back (after an argument with Green Eyes and I trying to move on) that sometimes things just aren’t meant to be and the best way to let them go is by bowing down, and bidding a self respecting farewell.

There really is no point in stretching something when you know the person you like so much doesn’t have the same feelings for you and won’t either. I’m not being pessimistic here. A two time rejection is enough for one to know that things have run their course and the situation at hand should be left as is.

Funny thing is he still hasn’t deleted me. That was a tiny little knot I was holding on to, but that too unraveled with the argument, so here I am…again…writing about Mr. Green Eyes.

I’ll miss him. I am sad, but I’ll be fine. This too shall pass and this too is a part of life so I’m just going to live through it 😊

If you’re reading this Green Eyes, and if you feel the need to see me ever in life – you know where I am!

The Rajput

So what is it about some people that makes you want to go that extra mile or spend time and energy on them? We all know time is the most precious thing for anything with an expiry date – including ourselves, so this post is about The Rajput and my time!

I came across The Rajput on a dating app (not tinder – I have never been on tinder for the record lol). He seemed like a decent guy with normal pictures. Not the usual – posing in the gym where one can clearly see fabs instead of abs and the non-existent biceps. Oh and not to forget the posing next to a fancy car picture – usually with tacky sunglasses on. For those who haven’t been on a dating app and want to join one – swipe left to the men who post the above pictures. You’ll thank me later for that info lol

So he and I struck off well. A happy time indeed. He was quite a gorgeous specimen of the Male kind. Nice voice, deep eyes, tall – stood out like a warm blooded stallion in a room full of ponies!

Things were going well. Conversations flowed for a month or so. I really liked him. He had a stable job, didn’t come from too much money (which I like in a man), good education, well-mannered and clean lol. Yes I like clean men! Older than I for once, so the overall picture looked peachy. Until I decided to not be myself and told him I liked him. And…I…was…rejected. He wanted someone physically appealing and I happened to be a fat, but not an unfortunate looking girl – so…

Anyhow to each his own. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to be with someone hot or a girl who is physically fit. The problem arose when he and I stopped talking, and a year later, I found him on a social networking site and sent him a request.

Turns out he was living and working in a neighbouring country and doing quite well for himself. He accepted. I sent him a message – you know the works with my phone number. Much to my shock – he called! Said he was flying down and would be all mine for a day after he landed. So me being me – planned out a nice day. A day he would’ve enjoyed immensely if only he hadn’t stood me up lol. No surprise there I guess. It did seem too good to be true, you know.

So to cut a long story short – there was a message and an unfriending and finally this post. Good riddance or not, the fault lies with me I feel. I give away my time freely and keep giving people chances to prove me wrong over again, but that never happens. The warm blooded stallion reduced to a pony – what a waste! If only he knew the real meaning of receiving such a compliment. I thought he’d understand considering the little education I received about horses was from him!

So The Rajput – here I am spending another 20 minutes of my time, writing about you. Do you deserve this time – probably not, but like I said in the beginning, there are people whom we want to go an extra mile for – reasons unknown of course 😏. Someday you and I both, might get/understand our own parts! Until then – onto the next one…